The Sun Files: The Day Everyone Stopped at Dollar Tree 2018

The company acknowledges that the Research Department occasionally encounters situations that require immediate investigation.

Administration would like to clarify that “require” may not be the correct word.

One such incident occurred in Texas.

The employee was driving normally.

At least by company standards.

The day appeared uneventful.

Traffic was functioning.

The vehicle was functioning.

The Sun appeared to be functioning.

Then the employee looked up.

The employee immediately pulled into a Dollar Tree parking lot.

The company would like to note that emergency research operations are frequently conducted from parking lots.

Several other citizens had already arrived.

No one appeared to be shopping.

Everyone was staring at the sky.

The employee exited the vehicle and began recording.

The official company record captures the employee’s first scientific observation.

“That’s not Jesus.”

The company would like to acknowledge that this statement provided little useful information.

The observation was nevertheless accurate.

A complete rainbow-colored ring surrounded the Sun.

There were no obvious clouds.

There was no visible storm activity.

There was simply a giant halo in the sky causing an entire parking lot of strangers to question reality.

The Research Department became interested.

Administration became concerned.

The employee continued recording.

The parking lot continued staring.

No additional conclusions were reached.

Eventually clouds appeared.

The phenomenon disappeared.

Everyone returned to their vehicles.

The employee returned home.

Most people would have accepted this as an unusual weather event.

The Research Department opened several browser tabs.

Administration immediately recognized this as a warning sign.

The employee began searching.

Questions included:

• What was that?

• Why was there a rainbow around the Sun?

• Was everyone else seeing this?

• Is the Sun doing something weird?

The company would like to note that this final question is how most Sun Files begin.

During the investigation, the employee discovered that NASA’s Parker Solar Probe had recently entered the outer atmosphere of the Sun.

The Research Department became extremely excited.

Administration requested evidence connecting these two events.

The Research Department admitted that no such evidence currently existed.

Administration requested that the Research Department stop drawing conclusions.

The Research Department explained that it was not drawing conclusions.

The Research Department was collecting clues.

Administration found this distinction unhelpful.

The file remained open.

As it often does.

Final Findings:

• A rainbow ring appeared around the Sun.

• An entire Dollar Tree parking lot stopped functioning.

• The employee immediately began an investigation.

• NASA was doing something interesting.

• Administration remains unconvinced.

• The Research Department remains curious.

• The file remains open.

Respectfully,

The Sun Files

“The Research Department would also like to note that beginning a scientific inquiry with the phrase ‘That’s not Jesus’ is unconventional but not technically prohibited by company policy.”

Added Note 2026

It has been noted that ice crystals can sometimes form less magically in the atmosphere.

The Research Department acknowledges this explanation.

The Research Department would like the record to reflect that the explanation is significantly less exciting.