The Research Department-Reviews Hobbies

Research Department recently reopened an unresolved case dating back to rehabilitation.

The case originated when a healthcare professional asked the employee a routine question.

“What are your hobbies?”

Research Department has since determined that this question was considerably more complicated than originally advertised.

The employee requested clarification.

The healthcare professional appeared concerned.

The employee explained that additional information would be necessary before answering.

Specifically…

What qualifies as a hobby?

Does unpaid research count?

Can physical therapy become recreational if you’ve been doing it for fifteen years?

At what point does obsessive problem-solving become a personality trait?

The healthcare professional quietly repeated the question.

Research Department initiated a literature review.

According to multiple sources, a hobby is an activity performed for enjoyment during one’s free time.

Research Department immediately encountered a procedural problem.

The employee did not appear to possess “free time.”

The employee possessed appointments.

The employee possessed rehabilitation.

The employee possessed maintenance.

The employee possessed paperwork.

The employee possessed approximately forty-seven unanswered questions.

The employee also possessed seventeen browser tabs.

Research Department believes the browser tabs may have reproduced.

Further investigation became necessary.

Reading was reportedly a hobby.

Research was reportedly a hobby.

Learning was reportedly a hobby.

Building miniature ships in bottles was apparently also a hobby.

Research Department was unable to determine why the first three seemed socially acceptable while the fourth appeared significantly less useful to the employee.

The employee attempted to answer honestly.

“I like figuring things out.”

The healthcare professional smiled.

“No…for fun.”

Research Department would like to note that the employee had, in fact, just described fun.

This appeared to create additional confusion.

Additional comparisons were conducted.

Some people golf.

Some people fish.

Some people knit.

Some people restore antique tractors.

The employee wonders why the left foot became numb after changing the angle of a shoulder exercise six weeks earlier.

Research Department acknowledges these activities are…different.

The employee was later informed that hobbies are supposed to reduce stress.

This finding was surprising.

The employee generally relaxes by researching whatever caused the stress.

Administration suggested the employee “learn to relax.”

Research Department immediately began researching relaxation.

Three books were ordered.

Two podcasts were downloaded.

Fourteen scientific articles were reviewed.

A spreadsheet was created.

Administration considers this outcome deeply disappointing.

Research Department considers it excellent progress.

Final observations indicate that the employee may not actually have hobbies.

The employee appears to collect unanswered questions.

The employee appears to enjoy solving impossible problems.

The employee occasionally spends six hours researching a subject that began with the question,

“I wonder…”

Research Department has classified this behavior as…

Recreational curiosity.

Administration has classified it as…

“Please go outside.”

Research Department is currently investigating whether going outside can be optimized.

Case Status:

Still looking into it.