The Sun Files

The company acknowledges that the Research Department occasionally becomes distracted.

Administration has repeatedly raised concerns about this tendency.

The Research Department remains unbothered.

One such incident occurred in 2013.

At the time, the employee had recently relocated across Washington State.

The employee had developed a bright green aura.

The employee had experienced the worst headache of her life.

The employee had experienced intermittent transient blindness.

The employee had also developed an inability to walk forward.

The company would like to emphasize that this represented a significant operational concern.

Forward remained unavailable.

Backward remained functional.

The employee therefore adopted a reverse travel strategy.

The Research Department became fascinated.

Administration became alarmed.

The Maintenance Department requested clarification.

The employee attempted to explain the sensation.

“It feels magnetic.”

The room became quiet.

The employee continued.

“It feels like two poles are trying to repel each other.”

Administration immediately regretted asking.

The Research Department became increasingly excited.

The employee then announced that the problem might somehow involve the Sun.

Administration objected.

The Research Department opened twelve browser tabs.

The employee admitted she had no idea why she thought this.

The employee further admitted she may have read an article at some point.

Possibly several articles.

Possibly hundreds.

The employee could not provide citations.

The Research Department would like to note that remembering information and remembering where the information came from are two entirely separate skills.

At this point the employee contacted Dr. Stanek.

The employee explained that she could not walk forward.

Dr. Stanek did not appear reassured.

Dr. Stanek asked a simple question.

“Can you be here by two?”

The employee said yes.

The company would like to note that the employee was not currently in Spokane.

This detail was apparently considered manageable.

The employee boarded an airplane.

The employee collected her son.

The employee flew across the state.

The employee landed in Spokane.

The employee boarded Spokane Transit.

The employee arrived at Dr. Stanek’s office on time.

The employee forgot her notes.

The Research Department would like to clarify that this was unfortunate because the notes contained most of the Research Department’s evidence.

The meeting therefore proceeded entirely from memory.

This was consistent with standard corporate practices.

The employee expected a discussion regarding mobility.

Dr. Stanek expected a discussion regarding relocation.

The meeting began poorly.

Dr. Stanek informed the employee that she was apparently not allowed to move.

The employee expressed surprise.

The employee believed she lived in America.

Dr. Stanek cited paperwork.

The employee cited geography.

The company considers this portion of the meeting unproductive.

Eventually the discussion returned to the inability to walk.

The employee explained the magnetic sensation.

The employee explained the Sun theory.

Dr. Stanek asked:

“How do you know that?”

The employee answered honestly.

“I don’t.”

The company would like to note that this represented the highest level of accuracy available at the time.

The employee then added:

“But I know it.”

Administration suffered a brief outage.

The Research Department remained optimistic.

The employee and physician reviewed available information.

To the employee’s complete delight, NASA had indeed been discussing solar magnetic pole reversal.

The Research Department immediately declared victory.

Administration immediately pointed out that this explained absolutely nothing.

The Research Department acknowledged this criticism.

The Research Department ignored this criticism.

The employee eventually regained the ability to walk forward.

The mechanism remains unknown.

The solar connection remains unproven.

The file remains open.

The timeline was noted.

The Research Department remains curious.

Administration remains irritated.

The employee remains mobile.

The building may be operating on two motor signals, prayer, and sheer determination.

The Research Department, however, continues to misplace paperwork.🤣💜📖