Employee Orientation

Congratulations.

Research Department has approved your visitor badge.

Welcome to the employee orientation for Tall Tales or Truth… You Decide.

Before proceeding, Management has requested that all visitors keep their hands and feet inside the ride at all times.

Attempting to exit while Research Department is actively investigating may result in confusion, spontaneous curiosity, or an overwhelming desire to fact-check something on the internet.

Research Department accepts no responsibility for these side effects.

This organization is divided into several departments.

Each serves a different purpose.

Some are highly functional.

Others merely believe they are.

You may discover that you already employ several of them yourself.

Research Department

Research Department asks entirely too many questions.

If one answer creates three additional questions…

Research Department considers that progress.

Research Department enjoys case studies, scientific journals, historical records, unusual conversations, and investigating things that most people decided to ignore years ago.

Research Department rarely reaches final conclusions.

The investigation remains ongoing.

Local 502

Local 502 represents the employee’s body.

Local 502 files complaints.

Frequently.

Its members include muscles, joints, nerves, ligaments, gravity, and any other department currently protesting working conditions.

Negotiations are ongoing.

Bob

Bob is not a person.

Bob is an acronym.

Back Office Bureaucracy.

Bob enjoys forms.

Policies.

Procedures.

Eligibility requirements.

Waiting rooms.

Committees.

Research Department has observed that every sufficiently large organization eventually hires Bob.

Research Department and Bob maintain a professional relationship.

Neither department entirely trusts the other.

The Council

The Council remains optimistic.

Sometimes unreasonably so.

The Council has an extraordinary ability to locate possibility where Research Department has only located data.

Research Department finds this mildly irritating.

The Council considers this a personality difference.

Management

Management attempts to keep everyone pointed in approximately the same direction.

Success varies.

The Sun Files

Research Department remains unable to explain why so many investigations eventually involve the Sun.

Management has stopped asking.

Research Department continues collecting evidence.

Gravity Department

Gravity insists on participating in every investigation.

Whether invited or not.

Research Department has filed multiple complaints.

Gravity remains unmoved.

Throughout this book you may find yourself agreeing with one department while strongly disagreeing with another.

This is considered normal.

Readers are welcome to transfer departments at any time without prior approval.

Research Department simply asks one favor.

Remain curious.

The investigation is just beginning.