The Box

Every organization has a Headquarters.

This Building is no exception. Mine was called The Box

Headquarters is responsible for determining where the organization will conduct business.

Historically, Headquarters has changed locations more often than anyone would have preferred.

Some relocations were carefully planned.

Others were approved under circumstances best described as “This seems like a good idea.”

Research Department generally supports relocation.

Every new location represents additional data.

Revenue Department simply asks whether employment exists.

Maintenance asks whether the Building can tolerate the journey.

Local 502 files grievances before the meeting has officially begun.

Benjamin reports to the vehicle immediately.

Headquarters would like to clarify that corporate relocations rarely involve moving trucks.

Corporate assets are routinely liquidated prior to departure.

Furniture is temporary.

Memories are not.

Headquarters traditionally relocates after dark in a moderately overworked sedan.

Research Department considers this an optimization exercise.

Administration considers it slightly unusual.

Research Department respectfully disagrees.

The organization has occupied many Headquarters over the years.

Some provided safety.

Some provided opportunity.

Some produced remarkable stories.

One Headquarters eventually developed an unauthorized indoor water feature after Weather Department experienced several consecutive years of severe storms.

Another discovered that damaged Buildings sometimes feel less damaged when surrounded by other damaged Buildings.

The current Headquarters occupies a small security gate booth.

Revenue Department believes Headquarters accepted the assignment to provide sustainable year-round employment.

Maintenance agreed.

Local 502 objected.

Loudly.

The Building would spend eight hours inside a small booth.

Walking was limited.

Food required planning.

Bathroom breaks required strategy.

Several departments predicted disaster.

Every employee who had previously worked the position issued the same warning.

“You’re going to be so bored.”

The employee considered this possibility.

For approximately thirty minutes.

Then something unexpected happened.

For the first time in a very long time…

The Building became quiet.

Observation Department stopped scanning every direction at once.

Nobody needed an immediate decision.

Nobody required an emergency response.

Nobody interrupted the meeting.

Research Department looked around.

Then looked inward.

The archives opened.

Observation Department noticed a sign outside the gate.

LOCAL 502

Research Department paused.

The Building already had a union.

The first memorandum was drafted shortly thereafter.

Administration assumed the joke would pass.

Research Department had considerably larger plans.

Later that same shift, a contractor asked the employee an unexpected question.

“Are you a bodybuilder?”

The employee briefly considered explaining twenty years of spinal injury, rehabilitation, nerve damage, muscle spasms, edema, physical therapy, and why strangers routinely asked unexpected questions.

Instead, the employee had a different thought.

“I am so tired of telling this story.”

Research Department proposed a permanent solution.

“Write it down.”

The employee laughed.

Then wrote another memorandum.

Then laughed harder.

The Building, which had supposedly been assigned the most boring job in the park, was suddenly entertaining itself.

Coworkers became increasingly confused.

Several eventually stopped by Headquarters.

“You seem really happy in here.”

The employee answered honestly.

“I’m writing a book.”

“Has anyone read it?”

“Not yet.”

The employee smiled.

“I am so hilarious…

…and I’m perfectly fine if I’m the only one who thinks so.”

Research Department would like to note that no audience was required.

Headquarters had not become bored.

Headquarters had finally become quiet enough to hear itself think.

Revenue Department maintains that Headquarters was hired to guard a gate.

Research Department respectfully disagrees.

Research Department believes Headquarters accidentally became an archive.

The resulting investigation has since been classified as Tall Tales or Truth… You Decide.

The files that follow are the official history of Headquarters.

And one final note from Headquarters…

Life occasionally becomes extraordinarily complicated.

Buildings sustain damage.

Departments disagree.

Weather changes.

Research asks inconvenient questions.

Maintenance improvises.

Revenue keeps the lights on.

Local 502 files complaints.

Executive Council remains optimistic.

Nevertheless…

Everyone needs a giggle now and then.